Conservative-leaning The Half-Hour News Hour is kinda funny. There is something bizarre about conservative jokes, but I think we're better off hearing them. Plus I believe in jokes more than ideology so I back the earnest effort of these comedians. There's something seductive about political comedy, but there's also something great about it, and these satire programs can possibly enable a new and fundamentally more positive national dialogue. I do think many of the jokes I've seen from this show are schmaltzy and freakish, and must wonder if conservative America is really so bizarre. But I sense legs. This show might have legs. Even odds.

Canadian coins containing tiny transmitters have mysteriously turned up in the pockets of at least three American contractors who visited Canada, says a branch of the U.S. Department of Defence.

"From a technology perspective, it makes no sense," he said. "To me it's very strange."

P.S. "It is important to recognize copiers and shredders can contain built-in scanners to copy the data."

P.P.S. The same transmitter is in your new passports, America.

The fifteen minutes is over for this guy but his story just gets more fun to follow. He owes a half million dollars plus $20k more each month, with no income.

The price of calories.

( Another Bearish Signal )

Welcome, new Democrats!

Mark Foley, I love you so much, for this revolting monster you've let loose on the House. It's called an October Surprise, and boy are people, well, surprised! It's so mind-bogglingly hypocritical!!! And a coverup? A coverup that goes to the TOP? AWESOME.

Republicans can't be kept from voting. There could be horizontal sleet, and Republicans will vote. But now they have to support these guys. STAY HOME, REPUBLICANS. WE CAN LAND THIS THING FOR YOU. Just lay back and don't you worry about a thing. We fixie. BEST CONGRESSIONAL SCANDAL EVAR!!!!!!


We're cool like teens, Dennis!

I got this letter from Al Gore (yes, THE Al Gore!) saying retaking the Senate equalled stopping George Bush, so I raced to my checkbook and coughed up one day's wages for the job I'll probably take soon. I don't even have the job and I still found the money. It hurt. I don't even tip baristas big anymore, but I did it, and now you do it: Right Now.

The Republicans are weak now. You may not have another chance to stop them. They aren't capturing the country with leadership and guidance. They're capturing it with guns and debt, and enslaving it. They drive the consumption machine with a double-digit i.q. and we pay for our indifference in blood, toil, and suffering. Ideology and faith can't simply ignore reason. Yet how persistently it happens today! What will you do right now?

Yeah, but what does a guy like a "Westpoint graduate Major General with extensive combat experience" know??? You guys??? This is a war there's no time for debate!!! You're helping the terrorists!!!!1 And this other guy who is also a so-called "Major General". He doesn't know because he doesn't see what's happening in Iraq!! He should obey!!!!!!!! He hasn't learned the Lessons of History^TM!!!! Oh wait this is happening at the "Democratic Senate" so it must be just tricks. rEAL SOLDIERS DON't talk to Democrats!!!! GO AMMERICA! WE'RE #1!!!

His Excellency President for Life Field Marshal Al Hadji Dr. Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, King of Scotland Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular.



Partly on the basis of his "visions" and erratic behaviour, Idi Amin is often believed to have suffered from syphilis.

Syphilis can be treated with penicillin or other antibiotics. Statistically, oral treatment is dramatically less effective than other treatments, because patients tend not to complete the course. The oldest, and still most effective, method is to inject benzathine penicillin into each buttock (procaine is added to make the pain bearable); the dose must be given half in each buttock because the amount given would be too painful if given in a single injection.

The judge in the trial of Saddam Hussein stunned his court recently by saying twice that Hussein was not a dictator. He got replaced at least for now by a new guy who told Hussein to stfu. While manhandled to the time-out room Hussein exclaimed that he knew the judge's daddy was a spy who had a hernia operation.

Hugo Chavez rode the U.N. like a drunk uncle. His equation of Bush to Satan drew the headlines, but he also ranted about Noam Chomsky, apparently many times, saying everyone should read Chomsky's book. Then he made a pass at a hot reporter. Didn't I go to college with Hugo Chavez? Mahmoud "Mammy" Ahmadinejad's more measured repartee cost him the Khrushchev Shoe, commemoratively awarded at each U.N. opening.

Japan just elected some George H.W. Bush with a Ronald Reagan personality, named Shinzo Abe.

I accept conservative foreign affairs, but this guy refuses to join the apology to the countries Japan occupied during World War Two. How does that happen? How do you not apologize? Apparently the ultra-right view in Japan is that the country saved the region from Western imperialism. But give me a break, ok? When you take people over and steal their shit, you are being an asshole, and should (a) return the shit, and (b) apologize. Failing to do so suggests that you might do it again. The argument that you were a lesser asshole staving off greater ones is fundamentally flawed in life. It's only operative in politics.

The Japanese constitution was imposed by the United States after World War Two and designed to prevent future militarism. Under the current constitution, Japan is limited to defensive forces only. Prime Minister Abe's first act is to seek to change the Japanese constitution to enable a full military. Abe's chief argument for offensive military powers are congruence with American-led collective security actions, and first-strike capacity against North Korea.

I am with Abe on everything but the apology. American collective security initiatives aren't bunk, and should be global efforts. North Korea is a deadly risk. But whatever dirty shit the future brings, nations--like men--must atone for the dirty shit they did in the past.

Normally at this spot of beach I organize children to dam and channel the creek as it crosses the sand into the sea. I love organizing children: managing factions, developing leadership, channeling dependable strengths, mediating conflicts. It's like a cush corporate job but with toddlers and sand.

( But today I wanted to sculpt. )

I'm watching a French film about Patrice Lumumba, some father of the independent Congo nation (now Zaire) or something. Seems like a good dude. Too bad they murdered him after, like, two months. Civil war is complicated!

It might seem like dirt poor Africa, but actually the Congo has immense economic resources.

Age 30, he was a beer salesman. Then he was a political prisoner, and then he was the first Prime Minister. Then his military took over, with funding by the United States, and he became a political prisoner again. And then they killed him. The end.

Devlin says he suspected, but didn't know for sure, that the order to assassinate Lumumba must have come from President Eisenhower himself. In August this year, however, Devlin's suspicion was confirmed officially by Washington - the order had come from the President.

After the murder of the elected Prime Minister and other top officials by Belgian troops, his body was dissolved in acid by top Belgian police. Over fourty years later, Belgium apologized. It's all cold war shit. If you want independence, you're a communist. Ho Chi Minh, Fidel Castro, Patrice Lumumba.

But his ouster, a military commander, ushered in the sort of flambouyance we all crave from African dictators. Finally, pinache! Democracy is a small price to pay.



After changing the name of his country from Congo to Zaire, this lil' despot changed his own name to Mobutu Ses Seko Kuku Ngbendu Wazabanga. This can be translated as the all-powerful warrier who, because of his endurance and inflexible will to win, will go from conquest to conquest leaving fire in his wake. Great name! He then looted the country's treasury and fled to Switzerland. Now THAT's the Africa worth toppling democracies for!

All the distractions of a failed oil man
convinced it's answered prayers
slash and hurtle America to destruction.

Terrorists, hurricanes, and
how we respond are separate
domains.

Nuke Mecca, that will show them
the means we'd willingly go to
from our fat butts in Congress
to our cigar snifter elite

Who wouldn't even smell
the burning flesh of WWIII
"over there"

Thomas G. Tancredo, a Colorado Republican in Congress, has written a lengthy letter to me defending his suggestion that we "nuke Mecca". I just don't know what to say. Except REPUBLICANS WILL DIE. They think they have the three branches of government, so it's time to roll tanks down every Main Street. I hate them more every day. I want to burn the likeless of Bush in the street.

( My ranting reply )

Where were you blue kamakazis in America's hour of need? You were entertaining enormous suburbanites with rollovers and smoke. A dog could do that.


Today I feel like I forgot something important. All the things I'm supposed to be and believe in. Only now and again do I re-remember this inevitable, ellusive path, still groggy, coming out of the haze. Lately tangentials have taken their toll, and I am a mirror image of who I think I am. I know it happens all the time, but each time it's a bit of a shock.
I'm clicking as fast as I can to recover.

Something related to angels.